Bullying

Definition
Bullying is the act of intentionally causing harm to others, through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more subtle methods. Bullying can be defined in many different ways. Bullying is usually done to coerce others by fear or threat. Bullying in school and the workplace is also referred to as peer abuse.

Cyber bullying – bullying through electronic media, for example, Mxit or Facebook.

Signs
Many times children say everything is fine because they worry that speaking up will make the bullying get worse. They also try to avoid the bully and deal with the situation themselves. Only once they come to the realisation that they can’t beat this themselves, will they confide in someone.

Why children don’t say anything about being bullied
• Coping – many children hope that they can sort the problem out themselves without adult intervention.
  They try to fly underneath the radar and avoid the bully.
• Shame – children often feel a certain amount of shame in admitting that they are being bullied.
• Worry – worry that if adults intervene the bullying will get worse and not better.
• Denial – some children take awhile before they fully believe what is happening to them.
• Fear – that if they tell someone, they won’t be taken seriously.

A Mother's Advice for Other Parents
I have frequently been asked by other parents how do they “know” when their child is telling the truth with regards to bullying. In my personal opinion, I would say always believe your child right away! It has taken that child an enormous amount of courage to be able to muster up the strength to tell someone in the first place and you will probably find that the bullying has been going on for quite some time already, and your child has possibly been trying to cope with it and sort it out for awhile before confiding in you. Rather be pro-active than re-active! There are certain things in life that we never question – a lady is pregnant until proven otherwise, a person is innocent until proven guilty and a child, confiding in you about bullying, is a victim of bullying until proven otherwise!

Can you imagine the child who has had to suffer at the hands of bully’s and who now plucks up the courage to tell an adult (parent, teacher etc) only to find that this is brushed aside or, at the very worse, ignored!

Another thing I would like to stress is “know your child”. Knowing Kelly and the type of person she was made it easy for me to believe her and back her without question! One of her school teachers said to me after the incident that Kelly was the type of kid that if she hadn’t done her homework, would not make excuses but would admit straight away to not having done it but she also said that if Kelly said she had done her homework but had left the book at home, you could believe her without question. Given this, when I received the call from Kelly’s friend on the Saturday evening of the tour and had heard what she had to say, I asked her to put Kelly on the phone. From the minute I had heard what Kelly had to say (which confirmed what the friend had said), I immediately supported and backed Kelly 100%.

The worse thing, in my opinion, that a parent can do is to tell the child to ignore it and it will go away or worse still, to fight back. Throughout our ordeal, the one thing that worried me was that Kelly would lose her temper and retaliate physically... she is an incredibly athletic child and very strong. Once again, by knowing my child, I knew that if she responded physically, she would have put someone in hospital! Two wrongs would never ever make a right!

I certainly hope that this advice helps other parents out there!

Di Gibson, Kelly’s mother

Self Injury

“I can’t stop cutting myself...”
“I started self-mutilating when I was about eleven years old. I'm not sure how it started, but I was consistently slashing my arms. The school reported this to my mom but she thought I was being stupid and that it was just a phase I was going through.

In high school, I used to get so stressed out about school and the fact that I was a social outcast that I would sit outside school in the morning and cut myself. I then started stabbing myself with my pencil.” During this time my grandmother died, then my grandfather and shortly after that I lost my other grandfather. Then, a few years later, my father died. I thought that by cutting myself, and feeling the pain, I could make it all go away.” Leanne* (* not her real name).

Why do people self injure?
Whatever the context or reason, self-injury seems to be a coping mechanism. "Cutters" use self-injury to feel calm, in control or, at least, just to feel something. However, self-injury is not a healthy coping mechanism - it is a self-destructive behaviour that probably reflects deeper, more complicated mental health or personal problems.


Common Factors of Self-Injury
- Age of onset between 10 - 16 years old
- There was a major change in the teen's life -- parents divorce or death of a close friend or relative
- There is a history of family violence, abuse or sexual abuse
- Intense feelings of fear, hurt, anger, rejection or abandonment
- Feelings of loss and or need for control.

Common Reasons of Self-Injury
- To match the pain on the outside with that on the inside
- As a coping mechanism
- To express anger internally
- To feel alive
- To let everyone know they are crying out for help
- To get people’s attention
- To get away from stress and responsibility.


What you can do to help yourself
Acknowledge this is a problem You are probably hurting on the inside and need professional help to stop this behaviour You are not a bad person just because you self injure This is about recognizing that a behaviour that helped you handle your feelings has become a big problem Find one person you trust and get professional help Identifying what “triggers” the self injury Recognize that self-injury is an attempt to self-soothe, look at alternative ways Replace the act of self-harm with learning how to express anger, sadness, and fear in healthy ways.

Alcohol and Substance Abuse

DEFINITION OF ADDICTION / DEPENDENCE
One is said to be addicted to drugs (alcohol, heroin, meth, marijuana, prescription drugs or any other substance) when one is physically or mentally (or both) dependent on the item. The user will get withdrawal symptoms and / or tolerance symptoms when they don't use the substance. Tolerance means that one needs higher quantities of a substance over time to reach the desired effects.

In terms of the World Health Organisation (WHO), one is said to be addicted if the user complies with a few of the conditions below:

• Continues to use despite knowing the damaging being done to yourself.
• Damaging effects due to the use on the addicts themselves and people in their
  environment(problems at work or school, arguments with people around the person,
  illnesses, dedicate less time to hobbies).
• Failed attempts to control the use or the behaviour.
• Psychological dependence (desire, varying from very little to very severe).
• Spends a great deal of time on the use or the behaviour or on recovery of the use or the behaviour.
• Tolerance (needs more to still feel the effects).
• Use more frequently and in higher doses than planned.
• Use the substance or carry out certain behaviour to reduce the withdrawal symptoms.
• Withdrawal symptoms (get all kinds of physical reactions after you stop).

REASONS FOR USING DRUGS:
 Feels good
 Allows me to be less inhibited
 Peer pressure
 Rebellion
 Curiosity
 Depression
 Boredom

WHAT IS SUBSTANCE ABUSE?
Substance abuse is when you use different substances like drugs or alcohol to feel better or for fun and if you don’t use them, you feel angry, irritable or anxious.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE
These are some of the most obvious signs and symptoms:

• Unexpected change in mood or behaviour: e.g. be coming aggressive, or apathetic
• Changes in appetite
• Suddenly not listening to discipline or rules at home or at school
• Problems with family relationships
• Lying and/or suspicious behaviour
• You can smell smoke or alcohol on the breath or clothes
• Frequent colds, sores on lips, red eyes, coughing
• Being secretive and avoiding discussions
• School or work performance drop
• Sleeping habits change
• Change in appearance, loss of interest in personal hygiene, unplanned weight loss or gain
• Alcohol, cigarettes, money or valuables are going missing
• Change in friends

WHY IS TEEN SUBSTANCE USE A PROBLEM?
Your body and brain are still developing, so the youth who abuse drugs and alcohol are more likely to have:

• Learning disabilities
• Mental illness or emotional problems
• Physical health problems
• Conflicts with the law
• A full-blown addiction in adulthood


TYPES OF DRUGS
The following is descriptions of drugs for ease of identification. Please note that in terms of SA Law: “The abuse of Controlled Substances is a criminal offence punishable by law. Controlled substances can, based on their physical characteristics, provisionally be identified as such. “

Cannabis (Dagga)
Origin: Cannabis is produced from dried tree-tops and leaves of the plant Cannabis Sativa.
Smell : Insipidly sweet “kakibos” smell.
Colour: The plants are very tall with thin light green leaves.
Taken: Smoked. Plant material generally smoked alone or with methaqualone-powder in the so-called "White pipe".

Heroine
Origin: Produced from the morphine in the resin of the opium poppy.
Smell: No scent
Colour: In its pure form it is a white, but could be a different colour depending on impurities added. White to dark-brown powder or tar-like substance.
Texture: Powder
Taste: Bitter
Taken: Normally injected intravenously but can also be smoked (‘Chasing the Dragon’), freebased, sniffed.




Morphine
Origin: Also obtained from the resin of the opium poppy.
Colour: white
Texture: white powder, tablets or colourless liquid in ampules.
Taken: Smoked

Mandrax
Origin: Synthetically produced
Colour: white
Texture: white powder, tablets or colourless liquid in ampules.
Taken: Smoked or taken in tablet form. Crushed and mixed with dagga, then smoked.










Cocaine (Crack)
Origin : Extracted from the leaves of the Coca plant
Colour: The salts of cocaine appear as a fine white to off-white powder with a light texture. White crystalline powder, chips, chunks or rocks.
Taken: Can be vaporized through heating and inhaled with the vapours. Salts can be sniffed, snorted or injected. Crack is smoked.

LSD
Origin: Synthetically produced from lysergic acid.
Smell: Odourless
Colour: Colourless
Taken: Tablets or as LSD paper motives (the latter absorbed by placing under the tongue).







Ecstasy (E, XTC, X)
Origin: Branded tablets
Taken: Swallowed

What to do if you think your child or friend is taking drugs?

• Try not to panic!
• Never confront them if they are still drunk or high. Wait until the effects wear off and then approach them
• Stay calm and don’t fight with them. Discuss the issues – don’t fight the person.
• Don’t judge them, listen to what they have to say.
• Explain why you are worried and tell them how you feel as calmly as possible.
• Don’t try to handle it alone – get help.
• Help them get the right help.
• Decide on rules with your child or friend, let them be part of this process.
• Support and love them but make sure they know that drug use is not acceptable.
• Encourage them and let them know you believe they can beat the addiction.


What if my child or friend is addicted to drugs:

• Support your child but don’t let them carry on their behaviour and don’t fund their habit – cut off money,
• Don’t pay bills
• Don’t try do it alone – if your child is addicted, they need professional help.
• Remember to look after yourself and your family too
• Divorce yourself from the problem, not the person (you can hate the drugs but love the person)
• Don’t lie to friends, family and the school – tell the truth
• Don’t believe everything you’re told
• If you ignore the situation, it WON’T go away
• Get professional help.

Teen Suicide

The group “Queen” summed it up in one of their famous songs when they said,

      “Don’t try suicide - nobody’s worth it”

Suicidal behaviour is defined as a preoccupation or intent to cause one's own death. Adolescence is a stressful developmental period filled with major changes - body changes, changes in thoughts as well as in feelings. Strong feelings of stress, confusion, fear, and uncertainty, as well as pressure to succeed, and the ability to think about things in new ways may influence a teenager's problem solving and decision making abilities. Problems may seem overwhelming and suicide may seem like the only resolution.

Some horrific stats:
12% - 25% of adolescents experience some form of thoughts about suicide at one stage or another
Suicide is the third leading cause of death in our youth today. The factors here include depression, stress, substance abuse and aggressive behaviour
Children as young as 6 have attempted to take their own lives.

Warning signs of suicide:
- changes in eating and sleep habits
- loss of interest in usual activities
- withdrawal from friends, family members or activities which normally were fun
- acting out behaviours and running away
- alcohol and drug use
- neglect of personal appearance
- unnecessary risk-taking
- preoccupation with death and dying

Warning signs of suicide: - continued...

- increased physical complaints associated with emotional distress such as stomach aches, headaches, and fatigue
- loss of interest in school or schoolwork
- feelings of boredom
- difficulty concentrating
- feelings of wanting to die
- lack of response to praise
- indicates plans or efforts toward plans to commit suicide, including the following:

   • verbalizes "I want to kill myself," or "I'm going to commit suicide."
   • gives verbal hints such as "I won't be a problem much longer," or "If anything happens to me, I want you to know ...."
   • gives away favourite possessions; throws away important belongings
   • becomes suddenly cheerful after a period of depression
   • may express bizarre thoughts
   • writes one or more suicide notes

If you have a “gut” feeling that all is not ok with a loved one, get help soon – the chances are you are right!